![]() The next day, my new locker had been vandalized. After several weeks of tiny locker hell, I finally spotted one, and was quick to move in. For one reason or another, certain people abandoned them as the year rolled along. Those looked like whatever you picture when you think “locker.” The rest were these tiny little boxes that seemed more like PO boxes than something I was supposed to wedge my schoolbag into.Īnyone who did was always on the lookout for a normal-sized locker. The gym had plenty, but only some of them could actually fit anything. When I was a high school freshman, the good gym lockers were in short supply. Combination locks were only needed for gym class. ![]() I mean, we did, but nobody seemed to use them. We never really had static lockers in my school. The Bubble Lock brings back awful memories. One must assume that there were other musicians-turned-gums in the line, otherwise it would’ve made little sense to call it “Rock Express.” Yes, it’s MC Hammer gum, part of the “Rock Express” collection. If I look up, will the sun be neon green and wearing your sunglasses? You’re a rapper, not a Warhol. ![]() Is this your idea of “outrageous,” MC Hammer? I see that you’re pointing to the sun. And why is your backdrop the skin of an alien zebra? You’re making my eyes move faster than your feet. Don’t hurt ‘em with your weirdly out-of-focus photograph, badly printed on a tiny tin can. I can still hear the clickety-clang of those quarters now. We bought Bubble Beepers for the containers alone, which were to be used as a clip-on coin purses long after the gum had been chewed. The wrappers included all sorts of zany beeper-related phrases, in what was a poor attempt to make the gum seem as important as the container it came in. The response was not “welcome to our club.” It was more along the lines of, “you have no right to wear those sneakers.” I remember that year when all of the cool kids wore ugly Fila sneakers. To me, the beeper seemed like part of that special thing known as “cool kids’ clothes.” The thing with cool kids’ clothes is that you have to already be kind of cool to get away with wearing them. Plus, according to the faculty at my junior high, owning one meant that you killed people. It was more a fashion accessory than a convenience. Plenty of my friends had beepers that they never used, not even for parental reminders about dinnertime. *morphs into a giant bat*īeepers were all the rage for a while, and not just with the people who needed them. And your name backwards is almost “Flick.” You’re a third-string player from A Christmas Story.Ĭliff: Actually no, I’m a giant bat. Matt: Are you saying that “pack” can never be synonymous with “container?”Ĭliff: “Container” may be synonymous with bundle, bale or parcel. I’m guessing Bubble Beepers come in some kind of beeper-shaped container, right?Ĭliff: Well then you can’t call it a pack. Seventeen! Who ever heard of a pack of gum with seventeen sticks?!Ĭliff: But here’s the thing. Matt: Dude, you see those Bubble Beepers? How the hell did they come up with that number? Maybe it was secretly smart marketing, because when a pack of gum comes with seventeen sticks, you’re going to find someone to talk about that with. There are seventeen sticks of gum in there. Probably the most famous on this list, the Bubble Beeper hid an odd number of gum sticks inside a faux beeper. The parts we liked, and the parts we’d rather forget. These gum brands are windows into our collective past. What looks like old candy is really so much more. In today’s issue: Four strange brands of bubble gum from the ‘90s! (Actually, the assorted gums are all perfectly normal. New readers: You can see more old bubble gum over here and over here!įollow Dino Drac on Twitter and Facebook for all sorts of nostalgic nonsense!
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